This is for the girls, but guys answer if you have any useful advice. chears ?

I have recently moved out to South Africa to live with my father, who I haven鈥檛 seen since I was two, but that a different story鈥?





I have been seeing a girl out here, who I met on my father鈥檚 stag party. We hit it off and I took her number and she mine, and shortly after I took her out a few times you know fancy restaurants, cinema, bars and clubs. She even came to me fathers wedding and seemed really happy to meet family etc.





Now everything seemed to be going so well, when we had an argument about her going out (Which I was more than happy about as I鈥檓 not the control freak type). But her friends managed to twist the argument, which was on the phone, so that is sounded like I was saying she couldn鈥檛 go out. I denied that and told her to tell them, which she refused to do. So surprise, surprise, they now don鈥檛 like me.





Later that week with no contact at all with her, she and I had a long conversation on the phone and she asked to be friends for a while so she could get her life in order and give her self space. She denies it but I think she is trying to get over her Ex-boyfriend, who treated her awfully, and now she has trust issues. I took this as she didn鈥檛 want me as anything but a friend and that ill move on. She was upset and said that why couldn鈥檛 I wait, I said that I would if she wanted me to and she replied I didn鈥檛 have too. But I know she wanted me to.





So I said that I wasn鈥檛 happy with the arrangement, but respected her wishes, and backed off. So I gave her, her space and talked to her on the phone minimally. She phones me after a week of almost complete silence my end and short answers to her texts, asking me why I鈥檝e been ignoring and that I鈥檓 being immature. Not impressed at that point I told her I was giving her space as she asked for. She then said that she still wants to talk, it鈥檚 the physical side that she wanted to put on hold. Well it鈥檚 been a rocky few weeks and I have been thinking of her a lot and chatting.





But over the last week I have been getting more agitated about this situation. I don鈥檛 like having to stew over this. So I was on the verge of just throwing in the towel. When she phoned me and we were talking away when she started getting emotional and talking about how her friends were using her (They are) and I sat and listened, giving my advice as I have been in her situation before. The subjects go by and eventually they we come to the where we are. She says to me that she thinks I鈥檓 unhappy that the relationship isn鈥檛 moving forward, and I insensitively answer that we have gone no where! Please note I had been a passenger involved in a car crash 24 hours earlier and I am still pity banged up.





She gets upset saying that she is opening up to me and that we are making progress, as she before the break wouldn鈥檛 open up to me. So I apologize and think about what I said over the night. So today I鈥檓 sitting here in the office and I鈥檝e herd my friends and colleagues opinions on the whole thing and some think she鈥檚 messing me around and others say she obviously cares and to wait. Now I鈥檓 writing in, because I鈥檝e had it up to here with all this. I like her a lot and she says so to, but I鈥檝e never been in this situation before and I could really do with some non-bios advice on how to go about this.





Do you think she is messing me around? Does she seem like she cares? (I know she does about my well being as she went mad when she found out about the car crash). But really I just want to decide if she is worth all this (I think she is, but many others don鈥檛) have you seen this before? Does it end well?


This is for the girls, but guys answer if you have any useful advice. chears ?
Everyone else hears one side of what happens. You and her are the only ones who have been there. Trust your own instincts on this, more than anyone else's.





That being said, I think you really hit the nail on the head early on. You said that you think she's trying to get over her ex who treated her badly. I'm not sure how badly you mean, but by the way it sounds, it was bad enough for her to have major trust and intimacy issues.


To me, it sounds like she cares about you, but is scared about being in a relationship.


If you want to make it work with her, the best things you can do is be patient and try to reassure her that you care for her, you don't want to hurt her, and you understand / are trying to understand what she's feeling.This is for the girls, but guys answer if you have any useful advice. chears ?



Do you think you know her enough to judge whether she is messing around?





Wait and be patient and see what see wants to do... Don't put too much of yourself in this relationship until you know where you stand
that wall of text defeated me.
No, she really doesn't want you. Take it from experience.
it looks like to me that you are thinking of her a little too much and your not really thinking about what you want. at the end of the day are YOU happy?? i think you have some serious thinking to do and really no matter how much advice you get only you can make this decision as only you knows how you really feel about her!


i hope your happy in what ever you choose!!!
Just chill man.. this girl is testing you.. Give her time.. if she is trying to get over her ex. then i suggest let her be all by herself.. but don forget to comfort her.. Let her know you are always there for her... but let her be by herself..In fact i suggest.. Give her a break.. Just met up with her.. Talk to her.. tell her that you are ready to wait but ask her to confirm things for you.let her take time.. But assure her that you are always there for her.. this will make her feel good..





Let her take her time.. Keep your calm.. patience is the best solution at this point of time.





Hey dude.. U take care as well..
Maybe you're there to fill the void - her 'Rebound guy' as such, she does care for you but you're the typical Mr Nice guy that girls usually latch onto wen they've been hurt until the new hot stuff comes along. Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen, sad enough but for sum reason a lot of girls only want wat they cant have. That's why she got upset wen u backed off, she thought 'he's rejecting me' so she came screaming bak, then wen u were there again she wanted 2 chill things out again, see a pattern emerging? Don't take it personal, there's a really nice girl out there who'll love you for your kind heart :)
Wow, I as was reading this I would think oh...... he should do this and then I would read on and you did exactly that! You have handled this perfectly. This girl doesn't know who or what she wants, I think she really likes you but for some reason she is not ready to commit! Sounds like you are way to mature for the drama and game playing. I would continue to be her friend, but I wouldn't wait for her. xox
if its going to be that much drama with her i say move on. you just moved out there so there's loads of other cute girls that you can meet.
It's not something an outsider can give an opinion on. You know who she is and how she is, it's up to you to decide whether she is worth it.





However, the best advice I can give is don't do anything you might regret, and in my opinion that is to give it another shot. You never know until you try and see things through. I believe she is being a typical woman by wanting emotional attachment first, especially because she is lacking in the friends department (because you say they are using her). Be her friend and hope that she cheers up. If she can't make you happy in the end, she's not for you and at least you gave it a shot and didn't regret it.








Everything can only be clear in hindsight.
she sounds very immature...then again, you didn't state how old she is, so maybe that's truly the case?